So after my lengthly long Instagram post yesterday about viewing wedding venues, we have decided to cancel them.
For a number of reasons really…
I feel very overwhelmed and stressed out by the whole thing if i’m honest and that shouldn’t be the case at all. Planning a wedding should be a fun and exciting process but I feel like we are trying to do too much too soon. Part of me thinks yeah, Caine and I have been together a very long time and have been saving money for a large chunk of that time so we should bloody well have a wedding. But then there’s a feeling in my gut that is telling me to wait. If I have learnt anything over the last few years its that I should listen to my gut.
Money is the biggest issue here. We are trying to save £30k by May (which I have no doubts we will do) but we have no idea of the type of house we will buy. It could need a alot of work, even cosmetic work which will require money. And probably alot of it. With a wedding booked it will be hard to be able to plan and save for that whilst also trying to do up a house. The money pot isn’t unlimited. I would much rather get my house to how I like it so its nice to live in and then concentrate on planning a wedding.
I want to be able to devote all my time to it so I can fully enjoy the whole process and not feel rushed in any way. I don’t want to book it and then feel totally bogged down with trying to finance and organise decorating a house and a wedding. We are still thinking of having it the same time, just not booking it so far in advance.
I’m still undecided about having a wedding in the UK or abroad. Our ideal wedding would be abroad however for fear of upsetting people, we decided to look at venues in the UK. I wouldn’t be totally adverse to a wedding in this country, I love England and being in the countryside but the kind of wedding I would want here would cost a lot of money. A lot. which leads me onto my next point…
I am very much of the view that it is our day, we are paying for it and if someone doesn’t like it or has something bad to say then they shouldn’t come. I actually think getting married abroad will whittle down a lot of people that would probably only be coming for the sake of it (as harsh as that sounds). And if I was to imagine my wedding day, it would be in the sun, understated dress, amazing sea view back drop with a very intimate ceremony. A wedding abroad would unfortunately mean a lot of people couldn’t make it, maybe even Grandparents which would absolutely break my heart. That is something we would need to look into a little more before absolutely deciding a wedding abroad was for us and weigh up the options.
I would be totally happy to go to a registry office and do it now to be honest but I think in 20 years I might regret that decision.
For some though, people will always have an opinion on what you choose for your wedding day. If there’s one bit of advice that people have given me through all of this is it do whatever makes you happy. Some people want to spend £40k on a wedding which is totally fine. Its their money, they can do as they please with it. Some people don’t want all the fuss and just want to get married in a registry office, just the two of them. Again, totally fine if that’s what you want. I think people are so quick to put in their opinions where its really not wanted. A wedding day should be about 2 people marrying each other and committing the rest of their lives to each other. As long as they have everything they want on the day with the people around them they love that is all that matters. Also, it might sound harsh but people that won’t support your decisions whatever they may be, don’t deserve to share your day anyway.
That does sound very harsh written down but its the truth. The harsh truth.
You need people around you that are going to help, give you support and not judge any decision you make in the full knowledge that it is completely what you want. I’m not saying honesty isn’t a good policy. If I wanted to wear a dress that looked totally hideous I would expect my friends to say something. But there’s levels of honesty that you need.
For all of these options, I spoke to Caine last night and we agreed postponing booking a wedding would be the best thing to do for now. Even though all we want in the world is to get married and get our house, for now we do have to choose between one or the other. It also gives us more time to decide on things we want on the day and the things that are genuinely important to us.
As I said earlier, this whole thing is stressing me out a little and I realise I am an anxious and stressed person anyway. I am such an over thinker and really need to try and help myself with this. I am going on a total stress cleanse and am removing all stresses from my life. I’ve said this before but I really need to learn to just roll with life and let the chips land where they may. I think it all goes back to my most recent blog post, I feel like time is slipping away in front of my eyes and I just feel so rushed with everything.
I think I might continue with my mindfulness tapes which have really helped in the past. And continue with my book ‘the life changing magic of not giving a fuck’ which I have no idea why I stopped reading because I really was enjoying it.
For now I am going to get my head down and put all of my attention into work.
Caine has been collecting Disney DVD’s for quite a few years now and we have 5 piles in our room stacked full of them. As a ‘money saver’ we have decided to watch one every night that one of us isn’t busy. That should keep us busy for a while! And after cancelling our viewings this weekend it has left our diaries pretty open…